Wednesday, June 23, 2010

"Mrs." Bagosy?

Ok, so I was reading the Military Widow book that my CACO gave me as standard issue and while most of it was wonderfully helpful there were several things that hadn't crossed my mind until reading it, and I must say I could have done without (at least for now). One thing that really bothered me is how they kept referring to us as widows and not wives. Ok, I get it. I hate the word widow, but keep using it because I feel I need to say it to myself until I believe it's true. But I did NOT appreciate how the book mentioned several times that I am no longer Tom's WIFE. Um, hello? Are you serious? I AM TOO STILL HIS WIFE! Aren't I? I mean, really, am I? And if I'm not then who am I? I took vows that said "Til DEATH do us part" and I kept my end of the deal, I guess he did too in some ways, but then what? What happens to me once he's gone? Am I not still referred to as Mrs. Bagosy? Yes. Do I change that to Ms.? I don't think so! And even if that is what would be expected of me (which I know is not) I would not. I AM Mrs. Bagosy, so aren't I then still Tom's wife? Why can't I say that? Why do I ever have to take off my wedding ring if I don't want to? Why do I need to circle "Widow" when I'm asked my marital status on doctors forms and the like? Why can't I still have my husband? I still call him my husband, so why not say that I'm still his wife? I know the book was not trying to do anything but be real and show me the expectations of this new life, but it bothered me to hear (read) that I'm no longer his wife. I don't want to accept any of this, and that sure didn't help. Ok, I'm done with my tangent for now.

1 comment:

  1. Are you talking about the Military Widow's Survival Guide or something like? I hear from a bunch of people that their CACO gave that to them but mine didn't, at least, not that I noticed (but I haven't really looked at all the things I've been given... oops) so I ordered it from Amazon. Anyway, I sincerely disagree with that as well. I will ALWAYS be Jonny's wife, I say I'm married to an angel. I've even heard of widows who have remarried who say they have 2 husbands, one in heaven and one on earth. So go ahead girl and call yourself Tom's wife - that is who you are and who you will always be!