Military Suicide

Oops I'm a day late posting this. I wrote it at the beginning of September as I began to collect my thoughts for a meeting at the Pentagon and wanted to post it here on the last day of the month since September is Suicide Awareness Month. My priorities didn't allow for extra time online yesterday as I had class and needed to finish and submit my paper for grad school. And then of course do all the "Mom" things going on after picking up A from school. So here it is, my blog for Suicide Awareness Month: Suicide rates are going up despite the increased efforts of our military to implement new programs and resources, and further expand existing resources. Suicide isn’t something that will ever be totally eliminated, but we are going in the wrong direction with the statistics and numbers of suicides. I know personally, though, that they are far from just statistics and numbers. They are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands and wives. They are friends. They are warriors. They are the bravest of the brave who actually had the courage to sign their names - and their lives if need be to protect and defend their country, OUR country. They step up and face danger so the rest of can enjoy and embrace all the good that living in this country provides for us. The rest of America has very little knowledge of what it’s like to be in the military, and I myself can only share in part of it. I come from a military family – born on a military base to military parents. My grandfather served and worked on Air Force One for three Presidents. My uncle and brother also served, and I have a cousin who just enlisted as well. I was raised a certain way, with a set of values and code of ethics that run through my blood. I was raised to love, honor, and respect America. I was taught about the sacrifice of so many who came before me. I understand that I am blessed with a certain privilege, as is each person born in this country, whether they realize it or not. I was taught why this country was founded, something most Americans have forgotten or were neglected to have been taught in the first place. I learned to respect our government and just as they have an obligation to uphold the Constitution, we the people have a responsibility to hold them accountable. I learned from birth to always stand by and support our military, something I feel that our government is wavering on. There has become a new adage that says our military is “trained to go to war, but not to come home.” Sadly, this is true. I realize that PTSD and Military Suicide has become a hot topic, and there are efforts being made to eliminate the stigma, however, I don’t see much progress. What we have is a recurring problem with no foreseeable end. There needs to be a simultaneous, two-front initiative to battle PTSD. We need to deal with the problem of those who already have been to combat, and implement a program to better prepare the men before they even go to war in the first place. If they have the knowledge, understanding, coping skills, and support before anything happens they will be more confident that even when hard times come, they will not be forced to face their demons alone. I was fully aware that Tom would come home from Iraq with PTSD as he lacked the coping skills needed to deal with war. I remember sitting there with the other wives asking the FRO, 'What should I do?' Most of the wives thought I was jumping the gun (no pun intended) to assume my husband would come back with PTSD. I knew Tom, and I knew some of the things he encountered over there. He was fairly open with me about his close calls and scary moments. He knew I wouldn’t judge him, only be supportive. I wasn’t prepared for just how different my husband would be. I’ve said from the beginning that the man I married died in Iraq and I didn’t know the man who came home. In a sense I feel as though I lost my husband twice. When Tom returned from Iraq in April 2007 the war wasn’t over. In fact it was probably just beginning. I could tell you the all about the significant events that occurred over the next 3 years that would leave you shaking your head and just plain speechless, however we already know the story ends and I will save those 3 years for another time. The thing about our story and many like it is that it could have had a different ending. It could have had a happy ending, or even from Tom’s own indications, a much more tragic one if he had taken others with him. It probably shouldn’t need to be stated, and for some it will come as no surprise, but the issues of PTSD and suicide need to be addressed from the top down. The stigma is still there and suicide is the redheaded step-child of the military that no one wants to deal with. Even after a service member takes his own life the family is left with the stigma and the Command washing their hands of "the dirt." When we have military bases skipping out on having suicide stand downs, and Directors of Suicide Prevention intentionally sweeping suicide under the rug and being rude and lying to Gold Star suicide families (Ft. Benning), and generals like General Pittard making insensitive comments, it doesn’t create a sense of confidence that the military cares. I realize we are at war and need our military to have that warrior mentality. Personally, I think the Marine Corps is becoming too soft in all the wrong ways. Let Marines be Marines when they are at war, but teach them how to be human when they are at home.

Wow Army Wife I am PISSED at You!

NOTE: this is nothing personal against the Army or Army wives in general, just this one in particular.

I read an article shared by another military widow today that has bothered me enough to blog about it. Rebekah Sanderlin is the author of said article and I am truly shocked that this is coming from an Army wife who writes about military marriages.


To Ms. Sanderlin I say: Our husbands have Both served this amazing country of ours in ways that are honorable. It is because of men and women like our spouses that YOU have to freedom to write such things. BUT how Dare you sit there and first of all call others "ignorant and irritating" when you yourself are showing the same disrespect that you received when people looked down on you for your husband's service in Afghanistan. I mean really? You sit there and say how thankful you are that he never went to Iraq, but you say it because to you Afghanistan is the "good" war which says you think that Iraq is the "bad" war. So you, too are judging just as others have judged you.



I *LOVE* the last paragraph which says, "I hope that, going forward, Americans will keep in mind that the men and women who served in Iraq did so honorably and nobly and that they and their families sacrificed greatly for our nation. They deserve the gratitude of the nation that sent them -- again and again and again -- to war." ...And by *LOVE* I obviously am being sarcastic. You sit there for an entire article putting down the war in Iraq and are smart enough to know that since there will be backlash for it you'd better end it on a positive note hoping that is the part that remain in the minds of others, not all the negative that you wrote for paragraph before. Well, it takes A LOT to offend me, but congratulations because you have! What a disgrace you are to being a military wife. You say it's "baggage" for us? For our families? You say this as if WE should be ashamed. Well, my dear, I say it is YOU who should be ashamed, and maybe even CNN for posting this (though for the record I do love CNN for all they have done about the American Widow Project).


My husband served in BOTH wars, Iraq and Afghanistan. I assure you, sweetheart, that both are equally as worth remembering and the sacrifice of those who served should be Honored.
.... To be continued when I calm down....

*EDIT*
I'm a bit calmer now after going to Spin class and hanging out with my neighbor having a beer. I am obviously a widow and in several widow groups and we all pretty much feel the same way-- disgusted by the things that were said by Ms. Sanderlin. Many Americans died in Iraq and to have someone like her sit there and make it seem as though it's a disgrace. I feel that Ms. Sanderlin is the disgrace. I almost pitty her because you know that she's not so popular in Fayetteville, NC right now where she lives (or anywhere else for that matter); I'm sure there are plenty of soliders and wives at Fort Bragg that would like to put her in her place-- I Almost feel bad for her, but I don't. I don't feel bad for someone like her at all and hope that she learns to be more careful about what she says on such a large scale as CNN.



Here's the link to the article...
http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/15/opinion/sanderlin-iraq-afghanistan/index.html