Thursday, August 11, 2011

The House

Well, Tommy, I haven't written to you on here in a while, so I figure why not do so tonight? I mean I am going home for the weekend as I have people moving into our house next month and I need to start getting it ready for the renters. Wow let me tell you how hard of a dicision that was! There is no way I could sell it, I can't afford to pay for it and the apartment anymore, and so I have been struggling with if I move back there or rent it out.

I don't feel you here with me anymore, but I still feel you close when I am in our home in NC. It breaks my heart to think I can't just go there and visit randomly when I get the notion to, which we know I do a lot! I probably go up about once a month and now it'll be at least a whole year before I can go again. I've been waiting for life to just show me what I'm supposed to be doing and waiting for everything to just drop in my lap. I figure I tend to try to rush things just so I can feel secure in knowing what is coming around the corner, but we know that life doesn't work that way. So I try to just let life show me what to do. And these people basically came to me.

It's only a year and in this lifetime that still awaits me, what is one going to do? I've already survived over a year (15 months and 1 day to be super exact) so I can go another year without being at that house. Maybe by then I'll be ready to sell it, who knows. All I know is that it's one less decision I have to make at the moment and one less huge bill I have to think about every month.

I miss you so much, Tommy! I just wish you were here to tell me I'm over reacting yet again and everything will be alright. I miss your arms around me and feeling like nothing else in the world even exists-- because when I was in your arms, nothing else did. I love you with all my heart and miss you as much. Everyday brings me one day closer to being with you again. I wish I knew what you were doing right now. Time for me to go to sleep and maybe dream about you? It's been a while.

Love always,

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