Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Small World (Town)

Dear Tommy,

Ok, so of all the guys that came up to me tonight that asked me to dance and I said no to, one of them and I started a conversation. He said I looked lonely and you could tell that unlike the rest of the guys he was just asking to dance to have fun and be nice, not hit on me. So I started talking to him and about a minute into the conversation when I mentioned that you commited suicide, he asked where and I told him. He said he was there! We went outside while he smoked and I asked him what happened. I have thankfully been walked through your last hours, Tom, by those that were there earlier in the day (I am very thankfull that everyone was so willing to do that for me), but I wasn't walked through by those in your last minutes. This guy was nice, but wasn't RIGHT there. He did witness it, though and answered what he could. It was really nice to be able to have an actual picture of what happened. This town is so small and I have heard "through the grape vine" about what happened and have several different versions. This one was a first hand account and it was great to be able to have that perspective. I did have to leave very soon after that because I was ready to be alone and honestly, it totally sobered me up (not that I was that wasted to begin with). I wish I could talk to everyone there that day, but it is good just to hear some people's versions of "it." Thank you, Tommy, because I think I was meant to talk to him tonight. He was the only one I tried to strkie up a conversation with (because I knew he wasn't trying anything). I think you knew that and you knew that I've been Needing some of those answers.

I miss you and love you. Thank you for helping put my mind at rest in some small way. I still have questions, but that really helped.

Love always,

1 comment:

  1. I've been searching for answers too. Since most the guys that were there are still deployed and I haven't gotten the official report yet so much is still left unanswered for me. I know the quest for answers and I know it's a pretty sucky one so I'm glad you got some of them. Although they usually hurt to hear what went down, I think the not knowing is even worse.

    Much love!