Dear Tommy,
It all started about this time 5 months ago. Can I just tell you how fast it has gone by? None of your deployments ever went this fast. I'm not complaining. Why would I want time to drag on? I still don't believe that you're gone. No, I know that it's real, but I have found that living in denial is the best way for me. I miss you so much everytime I think about you and you not ever being here with the kids and me. I have a hard time looking at our kids- I mean REALLY looking at them and thinking how they don't have their Daddy and how there may never be anyone to really take over that role for them. It's a big role and one that has to be taken seriously. I feel so sad for them. It breaks my heart all the time. It's just not fair that they are so young and missing out on so many happy memories with their Dad. I'm going to do everything I can to make their lives happy and give them a good family life. I just know it won't be easy all the time.
I miss you Thomas. I always will. I am trying to move forward with parts of my life. Life will obviously never be the same, but I do know I can find some happiness in this life. I am trying to look to the future, but I'll never let go of the past. I know there is room for both in my life. I miss your love. I miss hearing those words. I miss that feeling. I think that's what I have come to miss the most over the past 5 months. I know love will be in my life again, of this I am sure. I know that it won't be the same, but I hope it's as good. You will always be in my heart forever and ever.
Katie
It honestly makes me feel better that you find it easier to live in denial, too. I thought I was a nut job.
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