Dear Tommy,
It all started about this time 5 months ago. Can I just tell you how fast it has gone by? None of your deployments ever went this fast. I'm not complaining. Why would I want time to drag on? I still don't believe that you're gone. No, I know that it's real, but I have found that living in denial is the best way for me. I miss you so much everytime I think about you and you not ever being here with the kids and me. I have a hard time looking at our kids- I mean REALLY looking at them and thinking how they don't have their Daddy and how there may never be anyone to really take over that role for them. It's a big role and one that has to be taken seriously. I feel so sad for them. It breaks my heart all the time. It's just not fair that they are so young and missing out on so many happy memories with their Dad. I'm going to do everything I can to make their lives happy and give them a good family life. I just know it won't be easy all the time.
I miss you Thomas. I always will. I am trying to move forward with parts of my life. Life will obviously never be the same, but I do know I can find some happiness in this life. I am trying to look to the future, but I'll never let go of the past. I know there is room for both in my life. I miss your love. I miss hearing those words. I miss that feeling. I think that's what I have come to miss the most over the past 5 months. I know love will be in my life again, of this I am sure. I know that it won't be the same, but I hope it's as good. You will always be in my heart forever and ever.
Katie
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Setting the Record Straight:
Note: I have not yet proof read or edited this blog entry, so bare with me and the spelling mistakes.
Ok, this blog is about getting the Facts straight about the 3 articles that have been written on Tom's death. I was fairly pleased, but the latest one kind of had a spin that I was Not too thrilled with. I will start with that one first. But I want to make it clear that I think each reporter did at least a fair job, if not very good. I think that the most important thing is to get the awareness out there and they are taking their time on this making it an issue which I am thankful for. I am just a stickler for details.
The National Journal magazine:
And my quotes are not all totally accurate and his wording on some descriptions are not how I would convey the message, but I'm just going to leave that as a general statement for now.
1. Nathan was not an infant when Tom came home. He was 16 months old.
2. Technically I didn't wrestle the gun away. I attempted to take it, but really who do you think got it? That's why I called the police and they went looking for him when he took off.
3. (He basically go this part right, but I just want to clarify my stance on it). I believe that Tom's suicide was caused by the war and how his lack of coping skills compounded with the lack of care and ill perscribed medications. I believe that the medicaiton was what sent Tom spinning out of control and started the downward spiral. Maybe I should say that it rapidly accelerated what was there and made the thoughts of suicide predominent. He was right in that the meds played a part. I also think that to some extent medication is very much needed if it's handled right.
4. ***It was NOT MarSOC that told Tom he had to stop taking his medication. It was 5/10 (And for the record, I HATED his command there at 5/10 and only have negative feeling towards 1 person in the MarSOC command). MarSOC had NO idea that Tom had any "issues" except for the doctors at MarSOC, not his command themselves.
5. Tom gave up a few guns on his own in March, but when he signed them out and the "Easter incident" as I call it happened and they found out the guns were at home they came to get the guns again.
6. It was Tom's civilian doctor's at Deplyment Health under NHCL that I spoke with and dealt with. Don't get me wrong, though, there is one doctor at MarSOC that I think is an idiot and hindered Tom getting adequate help, but do to the fact that I don't want to get called on for slander I will leave his name out. Though I have never met the man I have heard enough about this man that it's safe for me to have a fair opinion on how he is Not helping the problem for men with PTSD.
7. Kind of goes with #6 that it wasn't miliraty personel that I spoke with and tried getting Tom help.
8. I called to warn his psychologist that Tom had a gun BEFORE all this happened, not after Tom called me. I did call her and I asked her what was going on and how he got the gun. I wanted answers at that point and I was terrified!
9. The quote "The command could have done more." Is accurate, but in my opinion it's misplaced. I think certain people in his command should have done more and his Gunny should NOT have said some things that he said, but let me state that some people in his command really and truly wanted to help Tom. I feel that his command, his doctors, and me most of all let Tom down.
10. (This one is not in order I just rememeber it). Itn't 2 Marines that showed up it was a Marine and a Chaplin
As for the Jacksonville Daily News article:
1. I didn't know there was a suicide on base until they showed up at my house. I thought he was alive because that's what I was told, but something didn't feel right. I didn't find out on Mya 11th. They showed up on May 10th. Not a huge deal, but want there to be clarification.
And for the Salon.com article:
1. He said it was February that his guns were taken, but it was really March.
2. It's not that it was not factual, I just kind of didn't like the use of the quote about Tom's tattoo. I think there was much more to it, but did he feel dishonorable? Yes. But there is so much more to it. I did in fact randomly say that during the interview, though.
Ok, this blog is about getting the Facts straight about the 3 articles that have been written on Tom's death. I was fairly pleased, but the latest one kind of had a spin that I was Not too thrilled with. I will start with that one first. But I want to make it clear that I think each reporter did at least a fair job, if not very good. I think that the most important thing is to get the awareness out there and they are taking their time on this making it an issue which I am thankful for. I am just a stickler for details.
The National Journal magazine:
And my quotes are not all totally accurate and his wording on some descriptions are not how I would convey the message, but I'm just going to leave that as a general statement for now.
1. Nathan was not an infant when Tom came home. He was 16 months old.
2. Technically I didn't wrestle the gun away. I attempted to take it, but really who do you think got it? That's why I called the police and they went looking for him when he took off.
3. (He basically go this part right, but I just want to clarify my stance on it). I believe that Tom's suicide was caused by the war and how his lack of coping skills compounded with the lack of care and ill perscribed medications. I believe that the medicaiton was what sent Tom spinning out of control and started the downward spiral. Maybe I should say that it rapidly accelerated what was there and made the thoughts of suicide predominent. He was right in that the meds played a part. I also think that to some extent medication is very much needed if it's handled right.
4. ***It was NOT MarSOC that told Tom he had to stop taking his medication. It was 5/10 (And for the record, I HATED his command there at 5/10 and only have negative feeling towards 1 person in the MarSOC command). MarSOC had NO idea that Tom had any "issues" except for the doctors at MarSOC, not his command themselves.
5. Tom gave up a few guns on his own in March, but when he signed them out and the "Easter incident" as I call it happened and they found out the guns were at home they came to get the guns again.
6. It was Tom's civilian doctor's at Deplyment Health under NHCL that I spoke with and dealt with. Don't get me wrong, though, there is one doctor at MarSOC that I think is an idiot and hindered Tom getting adequate help, but do to the fact that I don't want to get called on for slander I will leave his name out. Though I have never met the man I have heard enough about this man that it's safe for me to have a fair opinion on how he is Not helping the problem for men with PTSD.
7. Kind of goes with #6 that it wasn't miliraty personel that I spoke with and tried getting Tom help.
8. I called to warn his psychologist that Tom had a gun BEFORE all this happened, not after Tom called me. I did call her and I asked her what was going on and how he got the gun. I wanted answers at that point and I was terrified!
9. The quote "The command could have done more." Is accurate, but in my opinion it's misplaced. I think certain people in his command should have done more and his Gunny should NOT have said some things that he said, but let me state that some people in his command really and truly wanted to help Tom. I feel that his command, his doctors, and me most of all let Tom down.
10. (This one is not in order I just rememeber it). Itn't 2 Marines that showed up it was a Marine and a Chaplin
As for the Jacksonville Daily News article:
1. I didn't know there was a suicide on base until they showed up at my house. I thought he was alive because that's what I was told, but something didn't feel right. I didn't find out on Mya 11th. They showed up on May 10th. Not a huge deal, but want there to be clarification.
And for the Salon.com article:
1. He said it was February that his guns were taken, but it was really March.
2. It's not that it was not factual, I just kind of didn't like the use of the quote about Tom's tattoo. I think there was much more to it, but did he feel dishonorable? Yes. But there is so much more to it. I did in fact randomly say that during the interview, though.
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